(no subject)

I am, sadly, at the point where going on an anti-anxiety med seems inevitable. I have been kept up the last two nights with anxiety attacks, and almost started crying today when I talked about getting on a plane. Thankfully (for me), Air France has suspended all flights to Tel Aviv indefinitely, so I'm contacting the travel agent to return my ticket. I think this was the universe yelling at me to wake up and see the signs. One of the two friends I was going with wanted to hold out since the ban could conceivably be lifted soon, but since my other friend AND the person we were going to see were both like 'ok, it looks like enough's enough', I didn't have a problem saying no. Hell no, in fact. Even if I have to pay a fine to change my ticket somewhere else, or not get a full refund since the tickets are for a week from today, I'm not doing this anymore, I'm not putting myself through this. I didn't want to be the one person who pulled out, but now at least two of the three understand and agree (though they weren't as reluctant as me in the first place).

I just really needed affirmation that this wasn't my anxiety blowing the danger out of proportion. Though, now that I'm over the relief of the decision being made for me, I'm stressing about whether I'm going to have to eat the cost of a flight I'm not taking. I hate my brain so much sometimes.

Also, I think my coworkers thought I brought this topic up randomly with clients, but I legitimately didn't start the conversations, lol. I mentioned it once when I was explaining the situation, and since then, I've had people asking me about it almost every day. I literally had a client walk up to me and say, completely straight faced and serious: "Don't go. You're gonna die!" I swear, I almost called the travel agent that moment. Talk about a way to freak me out.