Newbie, I guess

[wisherwell]

I joined this site a while ago, but only to post comments. So I guess it's time to actually start the journal. I have no idea what I need this for, because I already have two Xanga's - one for ranting, one for normal life - but I feel like having three. Three is my lucky numbah. Anyway, on to recent events.

I was browsing LJ today when I came across my girlfriend's recent post (yes, I'm a girl as well). It scared me. She's not depressed, or gonna kill herself or anything, but she's found someone she likes. From reading it, the guy's not a real person, but a friend's alternate ego. This threw me for a loop. I've been letting her decide how fast she wants to move with the relationship, but maybe I should start to flirt with her more, maybe even kiss her. It seemed that she found herself wanting him to do that. Should I be the one who makes the first move? I've never been really good at that, because I don't know how people will react, but maybe I should start.

The thing that most frightens me is the idea that she could leave me. I'm not possesive (well I am, I guess, but not in a bad way, only protective. At least, that's how she described it...) but I really like her. I mean, hell, she was the one who first got me questioning, because I had a crush on her! During eigth grade we became friends, and that's lasted for the rest of the time I've known her. And then, one day, she asks me out. I had no idea she'd been questioning and was overjoyed.

We've been on one date since then, and both of us thought it went pretty well, though it wasn't really date-y, because I was afraid of how she would react if I made the first move. Maybe we should see Star Wars together, and there I could try and see how Ene reacts.

I'm going to call her before hand. I know she can like guys, because she's bi and that's what that means. I'm a lesbian, so I can't really understand it. But if it's just lust, then I can understand it. Lust can be triggered by someone who you don't like, just because you're curious or because you want someone to do that to you. I've had guys flirt with me and they've turned me on slightly. Not because I liked them, but because they were doing things I wanted. I sincerely hope that's what's going on, but I won't know until I talk to her. I guess I just have to figure out how to start the conversation...

Comments

[elfi-took.livejournal.com]

i'm not good at making the first move...... and i'm not really sure what i want. so just do stuff, and we'll see. and flirting is fun! even if i'm not good at it......

love,
ene

[shatterd-wings.livejournal.com]

Ok, as long as it's all cool with you. You can always tell me to stop.

[elfi-took.livejournal.com]

i never take many risks, so it's good to just do stuff, so i can get used to it and stuff.