Ugh ugh ugh

[wisherwell]

I hate winter so much. It's not even the snow, it's that even though I expect it, I'm still hit with a dip in mood and overall mental health. I've lived with this long enough to recognize that I'm constantly worrying that I'll die in a car crash, or fire, or walking down the street, and that the inability to get up in the morning means that I'm becoming more sluggish overall, and that the fact that I have this crushing sense of inadequacy and like I'm imposing on others or making things about me and overstaying my welcome is probably a bad sign. It's not like I'm about to go off the rails, but even though I recognize all of these facts, it doesn't snap me out of the rut. It's times like these that remind me how I should probably schedule a Skype date with my therapist, but I also don't want to talk. At all. And I keep falling into the thinking that keeping up with my routine will help me keep going, and while it's true to an extent, it's also apparently failing.

I'm just tired, and needed to rant somewhere so that I can try to work through everything in my head. Sorry.

Ugh.